10.7.14 at 10:48 PM with
I remember when I was little I would always tell my mom that I want to "grow up really fast!" because being a kid "sucked." Looking back on that, I couldn't have been more wrong. As a child it was practically ingrained in me that failure was not an option and that I would be going to college. When senior year of high school rolled around it felt like I had my entire life figured out; I knew that I wanted to major in, what school I wanted to go to, what job I was going to get, and the type of man I wanted to marry. But then I didn't end up going to the university of my choice, changed my major, and my ideals in a marriage partner changed.

I was lost, for a bit anyways. I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do with my life, or if I wanted to do anything with my life. I ended up failing a few courses my second year of university and I couldn't help but start freaking out because oh my god I'm going to have to be in school for another year. I eventually came to terms with myself and the fact that yes, I would be attending university for 5 years instead of 4 and that's okay. I'm not a failure. It's okay to make mistakes. I am human, not a robot; I am not perfect.

And so the other day I was registering for my fall classes and not wanting to overwhelm myself with 6 classes (like I did last year) I decided to go with 3 this semester, and 4 next semester. After that I will be able to transfer to a CSU and continue my education from there.

my college experience is definitely different from my friends in that.... community college is really similar to high school and it kinda felt like I wasn't really "moving on" in a sense. a sort of limbo where all my friends are going out and clubbing, getting boyfriends, and meeting people from all over the world at their universities. and then there was me, stuck at home, stuck in the same routine for another 2 years. with all my friends dorming on campus, I didn't really have anyone to hang out with or talk to (since they were always busy.) and for the first year I didn't make any friends. 

It's hard to describe the way I was feeling then; it was kind of like "yes I am a college student and an adult but why does it feel like nothing has changed." 

I mean, I know what I want now but sometimes... it's okay to be lost. if only for a moment.


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