I always tell myself "ignore it, it'll be fine. everything will be okay." and sometimes I think that I'm lying to myself. maybe it's childish of me to be so invested in something like this, but it makes me happy. one of the few things I can confidently say makes me smile and laugh. but it's also something that makes me upset and angry. some people say it's time for me "grow up and face the real world" and I wonder.... isn't the life I'm living already the "real world"? what defines this concept of "the real world" and who decided that growing up and taking on "adult" responsibilities is the real world?

every stage of growing is still the real world, it's just... smaller. but that doesn't make it any less "real" or any less hurtful. I think it's also this excuse that some "adults" use to brush aside serious issues, and it makes me ponder about what I really want. everything I've strived for in school was to "get into a good university and get a good job" but even then, will that make me happy? I'm not even sure I know what I want to do with my future but everything is so pressured and I'm still so confused.

parents tell their kids to grow up and when their kids do finally grow up and leave home, they feel sad. what's wrong with growing at your own pace? why does society dictate that we must "grow up" in order to be able to live in the "real world"? why do we do the things we do?

I don't know anymore but if anything, I do know that I'm just really, really tired.

Labels: personal